Boy vs. House

The good news: We are still alive. Barely. Just in case anyone missed us.
The bad news: Falling asleep while trying to blog leads to boring blogs and laptops that narrowly escape fatal falls off the edge of the bed.

Yep. Still tired. Thank goodness you can’t see the bags full set of hard-side Samsonite luggage under my eyes. Ah well, we can sleep when we’re dead (which may be soon at the rate we’re going!)

So last week (holy cow, how in the wide world of sports has it been a week?) I promised you a guest blogger.  Since we have no budget, no links, and hardly any followers (is anyone actually reading this?) the pool of potential guest bloggers was pretty darn small.  Enter my rock-star husband Russ.

I think it goes without saying that just maybe there is a tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny bit of difference in the way that men and women experience events.  To that end, we’re going to set this up in a ‘he said’, ‘she said told everyone how it really went down’ format.

Russ: The past few days have been hectic at the pile of bricks.  I’ve taken a few days off of work to facilitate a more speedy completion of the major projects.  So, here’s a run-down of Wednesday, 28 Oct.

As I am an early riser, I was at the house on Wednesday at 6a.

Becky: Only the truly twisted can be so motivated at that hour.  Seriously, the man usually gets up at 4.  I was thankful I just had to go to my office. Unbridled enthusiasm at that hour is painful to be around.

Russ: First item on the agenda…finish the removal of the marble floor.  Enter exhibit A:

Becky has been doing a bang-up (pun intended) clearing out the marble and has done a great job.  I know this project must be completed soon to fit into my Master Plan.

Becky: The Master Plan is actually a very elaborate Microsoft Project document Russ worked up to sequence and assign tasks to each of us so that everything gets done exactly on time.  THIS is what being married to a military guy turned strategic management consultant is like. Pity me.

Russ: See, I told you she was good.  So, when I arrived at said pile of bricks, I picked up where she left off.  Oh wait…important fact you should know right now.  It’s early, I’ve had two shots of espresso and a 20oz cup of coffee.  Yup, I’m wired.  So, I attacked the remainder of the floor with a force that can only be described as “chemically enhanced.”  Within no time, all the marble, mortar, wire meshing, tar paper, and dirt were gone.  Enter exhibit B:

Yup, that’s now my new entry into our pile of bricks.  Lovely, huh?
Becky:  Now see, this just pisses me off. Ladies, you know this feeling. You’ve got a jar of something that you have been trying your darndest to open, Straining, running it under hot water, anything and everything you can think of but that lid is NOT budging.  So you hand it over to your husband and with just the tiniest flick of his wrist the lid pops right off.  I had been working on that entry most of the day on Sunday and Tuesday, and then he just comes in and finishes it off within a few minutes. Grrr.

So fine. Whatever, I’m not having the easiest day at my job, so I am happy things are going well at the house.

Russ: FInishing this goal not only inflated my ego, but set the stage for the remainder of the day.  You see, I’m a guy and guys are motivated by challenges.  My challenge for the remainder of the day….clear out the paneling and faux wood ceilings.  I felt pretty confident in my ability after taking down the first paneling sheet that I called the drywall contractor and told him to start tomorrow.  Maybe I was a tad over zealous….

The Den “before” – note paneling and fake foam beams

Becky: WHAAAAAAA??? YOU told him WHAT? Did all the dust from breaking up the floor damage your brain? Did you put some hallucinogenic drugs in all that coffee? My brain exploded a little just thinking about it.

Russ: Somewhere between dropping insulation on my head, removing lag bolts from the ceiling and stepping on nails, I had to break the bad news to my wife–I needed some help.  Wow, that was difficult to say.  Becky had a wonderful evening planned of overdue laundry and cooking.  We haven’t had a very good diet lately, so I was really looking to a home cooked meal.  Guess that will have to wait.  I continued the demolition of the room.  One thing I failed to do…clean up my mess.  So, when dear wife arrived…

Russ and Spartacus!

Becky: I very nearly lost my mind when I walked into that room at 6pm, exhausted, hungry, and completely unprepared for the mess I saw.  To say I was less than enthusiastic would be a huge understatement, but I was appreciative of the fact that Russ had really accomplished a tremendous amount of work and we had to get it cleaned up.

Russ: After a hour or so of cleaning, we got back to work.  All the paneling and ceilings were gone.  Now the real fun begins.  Nails, nails, nails!  Somewhere around 1030p, we decided that all the nails were gone and I’m too tired to work on the electrical.  Safety first!  So, we closed shop for the night

Becky: Here’s how that last paragraph should read: after picking up walls and ceilings for what seemed like hours, we pulled eleventy-gillion nails out of the walls and ceilings. At 1030pm, Russ declares, while in some zombie-like trance, that he is now going to work on the electrical. To which, I responded not just no but HELL NO (must be all that toxic dust in his brain again) and we somehow managed to drive home without killing anyone, including ourselves.

And that, folks, is how last Wednesday went.  According to both of us!

Next up: The cavalry arrives.